Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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