Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
