just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
