i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
