if you like me you must not know who I am
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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