so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
