i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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