apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
