I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
