Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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