what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
