God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Pappa wants mamma naked
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
