you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
