i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
