i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
