she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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