I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
