I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize