You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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