I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
