Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
