I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
