Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
