you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
