well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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