But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
