so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
