Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I want to fling myself into the sun
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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