He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
