Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
