I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He had one of those small greek statue penises
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
