Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
