somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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