I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
