He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
