I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize