The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
