having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
