I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize