I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
