I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
