apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
