I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you guys were way drunker than both of me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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