Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
