Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
