I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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