Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize