there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I want is dick and wine.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
