Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Who died my cat blue again?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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