she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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