I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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