rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize