I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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