God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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