I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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