If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
