I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
