Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
