My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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