Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
