Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
