just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
