life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
