Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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