He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
