trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
