you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
