You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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