I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
