This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
