apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
