hotel room ftw
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
