...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
