we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
