i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
