So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize