just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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