I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
