You're so nebulous sometimes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
