grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
