I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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