Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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