i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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