you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
