He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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