Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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