Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
