great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize