I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I party with great urgency now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
