Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize