my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
