Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
